First Impressions

Though I have only been in Benque for a mere 2 full days, it already seems like I have been here for quite a while. It was quite natural to fall into the natural rhythm of the Belizean way of life; and though I will never be quite in their time zone, where everything will happen when it is meant to happen, I’m beginning to appreciate the slower way of life. You walk the streets here and you see all the residents out and about--especially during the early evenings. The women are hanging the laundry to dry, the boys are kicking soccer balls or riding bikes, and the men are sitting around listening to the radio. I don’t know them yet, but I am hoping that soon I will blend in a bit more and be able to talk to the people. I wish to get to know them, form a relationship with them, allow them to take part in my life leave an indent in my heart. It may take some time though, but I seem to have plenty of that. Or do I?

Tomorrow is the first day of school and I have yet to learn what I am teaching. I am crossing my fingers that I will be teaching English, but I have this fear that I will be teaching math. Apparently I can switch with the optical engineer student who was assigned English. Its funny how we all have been assigned these subjects and for the most part, we are flying by the seat of our pants. Only few of us have ever been teachers before, and while its really scary, its terribly exciting. I just want to be good at it. My only fear is that of failure. I want this journey to be a success in so many ways. I know the teaching doesn’t have to be the greatest but I do want to make an impression on my students. I want to foster their dreams, foster their passions, and be a person whom they will remember fondly long after I am gone. Even if there are only a few students who remember me. That would be a success. At least in the teaching realm of this journey.

I feel like I put so many expectations about what I should get out of it that it might be impossible for me to achieve them all. Find myself. Form relationships with people from Belize. Form relationships with the other volunteers. Form relationships with my students and teach like my hair is on fire. See Belize (And some of Guatamala). Learn Spanish. Learn to better deny myself. Become a generally better human being who will return to the states ready to conquer the world..and at least have some answers about what the next step of life will be. Can someone really achieve all of these things in just 9 short months? My experience in travelling has been that the first half of the trip seems like an eternity, and the second half half flies by. But this is no ordinary trip. I’m not just visiting, I’m living here. I should take a cue from my new neighbors and just let things happen. But at the same time keep the impending departure, that while still in the distance will come sooner than I could ever imagine. As always it is a question of balance. In the end, the question is how to quickly get into the groove of living Belizean style without stealing from the philosophy of living simply and simply living—and taking life one day at a time, with no question of tomorrow. .